i've become accustomed lately to "asking the universe" for help when i get stuck, and i've been surprised by how often it responds, and how quickly. it is as if the mere formation of a question in the mind establishes the space for the installation of an answer. i've noticed that when i become grumpy or irritated i'll often make proclamations: this sucks, they suck, i suck, whatever. it's not until after i finally give up damning that clarity presents itself. it would seem that a critical aspect of happy consciousness is an inquisitive demeanor. so i remind myself to ask, if not aloud to someone else, then to the universe.
i recently asked the universe for help on some sticky personal issues that have haunted me for quite a while. a day later i met some friends, a couple, who related to me a story about their relationship that shocked me in its similarity to the issues i've been coping with. this led me to find out that what i've been experiencing is first of all not uncommon and secondly is well studied and somewhat understood, so there is some literature about it. i'm being vague here to protect the innocent, but it turns out that somewhere from 1 to 2 percent of the nation suffers from borderline personality disorder in varying degrees with varying levels of functionality.
people with bpd, as it is known in short, are often charismatic, intense and sensitive but have trouble maintaining intimate relationships and typically are extremely sensitive to real or projected abandonment. the relationships they do engage in can start idyllically but then veer into stress and pain for both parties, ranging in a short time from intense connection with idealization to abrupt rejection and devaluing. there are a bevy of symptoms, some of which i don't quite understand, that qualify a person as bpd and i'm certainly not qualified to make a judgement, but just being introduced to the symptoms and patterns of bpd have helped me take a new look back at a stressful and painful relationship in my life which has, despite the fact it happened years ago, confused and affected me to the present.
i picked up this book which i've found helpful: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder.
