relaxed tense kitty

this is my cat missy. i marvel at how she relaxes and tenses and then relaxes. she seems to go from one extreme to the other, like a baby. the only time she doesn't switch quickly is after she comes in from outside. out in the "wild" her defenses seem to go into high alert and take a while to back down after she comes in. she prowls my apartment as if danger lurks around every corner and every sound is a potential menace. anything that has changed inside requires thorough tip-toe inspection. sounds that make her tense: the sound of a dog collar, the tea kettle whistle, trains going by.

grilled pizza

one of the summer delights up at bunny and frank's house.

sawmilling

operator's perspective

loading a log

jay

stacked

clark

michel

mckim

the blade

last weekend i headed down to the faerie camp to oversee the sawing of about 40 logs that had been cleared from the faerie land last fall. mckim mitchell, a sawyer from new hampshire, brought his portable saw mill up and parked it near the log pile. saturday and sunday a crew of faeries helped load, unload and stack the timber. it was amazing watching each cut reveal a new pattern and it dawned on me, as it has many times when opening up anything that grows, that i'm the first person to ever see this specific pattern (and i am the first human it is to see!). it happens all the time and i have to remind myself of the mystery and beauty being revealed to me. some of the cuts exposed spectacular patterns which we kept as wide slabs to be used for benches or some other large flat surface. it was hard work and we all sweated up a storm in the summer sun which has arrived finally after weeks of rain. in all we got about 3500 board feet of timber out of our logs. a refrigerator is about 20 cubic feet, to give you an idea. the saw mill itself is an impressive machine which can lift logs onto its bed, slide them forward and back, roll them, and lift and level them. the largest beam we sawed was 12" tall by 6" wide by 14-1/2 feet long. all of our logs were eastern hemlock and carry a great deal of water in them. the 6x12 weighed about 400 pounds, by my calculations. i did a lot of "one-two-threeing" to coordinate the crew lifting.

purple head

a friend, robbie joy, is visiting from new orleans. he brought along some pictures from last mardi gras. here's one of me at the "purple party," a party to which everyone wears purple. that's the whole concept. there should be more things in life so simple. if i'm ever feeling down, i pull up some pictures from mardi gras and the day immediately feels more well adjusted.

bush does U2

as an aficionado of cut-ups, i recommend this one (brought to my attention by my friend hugh). my friend roger and i thought about doing something like this after we'd cut up the wizard of oz. slice and dice is in the air. video cuisinart!

bush sings bloody sunday

re-org

as a prelude to turning my life upside down, i cleaned my studio space over the weekend. i took two languorous days to do it with trancy, ambient music floating overhead. i pulled old equipment from my shelves, dusted them off and put them into a "free" box. my shelves are organized, clear of the old, plenty of clear space for new. my desks are clear as the big blue sky. i placed books in one section, supplies in another, cds, video, music in a third. this all makes me very happy. i love organized spaces even though i'm not known for keeping my own spaces organized. my friend victory from new orleans spent a couple days last winter teaching me how to organize. actually, he commanded me for two days and afterward i pretty much got the drift of how he worked. he was a strict and wonderful teacher and i think i got it.

my studio now feels better prepared to become a design studio. i'm not sure what to do with all my video gear. i tell myself that i'll figure out some way to integrate video and architecture. but i feel strongly that i want to dedicate my time to architecture. i know how much i'm capable of when i dedicate myself to a single path and go deep and intensely into it. as much as i'd like to do everything all at once i'm ready to organize and prioritize my activities! as in yoga, core strength is critical. defining and energizing my professional core is helping everything else in my life find a place and a purpose.

happy birthday

it's my birthday. i'm 43. and i'm starting the process of becoming a registered architect today. this is something most folks do right after architecture school. i wouldn't have done it any sooner. it didn't feel right.

it's been 16 years since i graduated, almost to the day. i went to the yale school of architecture, which, it happens, was built in 1963, the year i was born. there is a stamp featuring it. yale was extremely challenging for me and by year three there was nothing i wanted to do less than be an architect. i burned out, fried, never wanted to hear another talk about architecture or engage in a conversation about it, which, naturally, was what people wanted to do with me knowing i'd just graduated.

instead, i dove back into my prior haunt: software engineering. the problems were simpler, shorter and what i did—create software—was invisible. i went into hiding behind a veil of binary code. this led to that and in 1992 i purchased a down-and-out building that i happened by one day. over the next seven years i, with the help of my sister and a few others, conceived and constructed a small artist colony within the shell of this 160-year-old mill building. i learned how to frame, sheetrock, paint, mix concrete, learned the building code, how to work with contractors, how to build with very little. i ended up spending about $12 per square foot. but, this project also burned me out, and i told everyone, "never again!" but, in 1999, i wandered into a 45,000 square foot bakery dormant in the center of town and asked to rent some space. they offered me the building and by april 2000 i owned it with my parents, brothers and sisters as partners. i got out the drafting board and with architect friends danny sagan, alisa dworsky and daniel johnson as my "design therapists", worked up a schematic plan which i executed over the next three years. this building, called the tip top, is another arts building like my first, but on a much larger scale. it is a success. it attracts hundreds of people each day and has served as the poster child for the revitalization of our small town.

it's been three years since i finished the tip top, which also burned me out. being the architect, general contractor and manager wore me down and i found myself saying "never again!" but, with practice, we all become more resilient and grow. our little town is now growing, changing and seems poised to become a very happening little spot. i feel a role for myself as an architect here. there are lots more buildings that need work and i feel capable and want to help. being a licensed architect may help—i don't really know. my gut feeling is that it will but what's important is not the license. it's that i'm taking myself seriously and believe in my intention and dreams.

architecture

my birthday is coming up in a couple days and it seems that the cosmic present coming my way is a strong determination to pursue architecture professionally. i've been doing architecture for the past fourteen years. i've renovated two large buildings and am currently working on a project in southern vermont with a large number of volunteers. so architecture has been with me ever since i graduated from architecture school. but, i've always held it at a distance, said to people, "i will never become an architect." but, as it so often happens in my life, "never" means "i will". and, so i find myself excited and looking forward to the process of becoming a bona fide architect. i hear the exam is gruelling. call me if you need a house designed!