sublime separation

something this morning told me there was a separation in the universe. i'm not sure why i felt this but i woke up feeling a kind of emotional hangover and took a nice long bath, shaved. the older i get the more aware i become of the deep interconnectedness between us all and at the same time the infinite distance that separates us. the latter seems to manifest for me in inverse proportion to the closeness i perceive in a relationship. the more i get to know someone, the clearer the distance between us becomes and conversely in the company of complete strangers i can feel deeply intimate. at times i'll feel a potent intimacy with someone with whom i've lost contact. it's as if in the presence of fulfillment there is absence and in the absence of fulfillment there is presence. it's a beautiful paradox because it always (usually after periods of struggle and pain) points me back to the divinity within myself, the wholeness that i've only experienced from inside, to the principle that one finds the deepest contentment in oneself, that the habitual reach to the outside for balance only unbalances. in the brief moments that i've wintessed my own wholeness i've felt capable of loving everything, unconditionally.