personal truth

Specific, personal truth is the best medium in which to grow relationships.

movies

another long time between posts. i've been sick with flu, probably swine flu, for about four weeks. all that's left is lingering cough. despite physical discomfort, i've welcomed the opportunity to rest, reflect, and spend a lot of time alone. i was supposed to shoot a short movie, the first since making a short dramatic film six years ago, but i was too wiped out to do it. we've rescheduled for march, 2010.

my film activities continue with star trek phase 2 and a couple documentaries, but they are not my own projects. being in bed has given my own projects new immediacy, because it feels like i have a lot less time to work. i know this flu will pass, but the restriction of waking time helps give weight to the most important things. i've resigned from the few boards i participate on, and have cut back on commitments. i sense the importance of having lots of time and time-space in which to create, to absorb, to integrate thoughts, ideas, images, sounds, feelings.

i've watched hundreds of films while in bed, shorts and features, drama and docs. streaming movies are fantastic. the quality is okay, but having an on demand film festival in my lap worth the sacrifice. it's great to see so many films back to back, to compare styles, lighting, scripts, pacing, camera work, acting, sets, scenery, sound, music... for the last few years, i haven't been able to stay awake through a film. it still happens, but somehow watching so many films has awakened me. i'm looking at films not for entertainment, but for content, story, creativity, craftsmanship.

i've watched a lot of short films. curiously, they are often too long, lacking density, plot, though often technically very good. the features, by and large, even the bad ones, tend to be more condensed.

Return of the Blog

A long hiatus, yes. A molting process, yes. A shift in direction, yes. A new career, apparently. Renewed enthusiasm: yes.

In a nutshell, I've become a budding cinematographer... budding at the age of 46. And why not? I'm an admirer of makeovers, especially buildings. What happened? Last summer I took a film lighting course at the Maine Media Workshops and loved it. Since then, I've become involved with Star Trek Phase II helping shoot their one-hour webisodes of classic Star Trek, all for the fun of it. The production values are high and I've learned a lot on the set which operates more or less professionally in an amateur kind of way. Then this summer, I happened to see a course at the Media Workshops and lucked into it via their waiting list. I met some great people and we made some fun little films. After that, I was hooked and declared my intentions to take up filmmaking. It's not like I haven't done it before. When I sat down and figured out how many little films I'd made over the years it totaled more than thirty, a couple are award winners. But, deciding to move further into it is a big break from my prior architectural commitments but it feels right. If there were any place you'd know you weren't supposed to be, it would be a film set, because it can be brutally boring. If you don't have the bigger picture in your grasp it will feel insufferable. I've watched (and filmed) people in this mode and it's not pretty.

Right now I'm working with Tim Wolff, of New Orleans, on his documentary about gay social clubs who spearheaded a unique gay rights movement in the south. I was down there to shoot earlier in the year and Tim is up here in Vermont now as we edit it. I love thinking about the structure of film, how to tell a story.

I'm also working on a short film with Richard Ballon, a playwright and writer, whom I met at CineSlam, a short film festival in Vermont. Also in the works, possibly, is a feature to be shot in Los Angeles this fall or winter and for sure a segment in a documentary project about Vermont. I'll be helping one of the filmmakers I met this summer in Maine complete his project next week. I'm happy with the speed with which things have started rolling.

facebook killed the blogger star

as with all things new, there is a period of adjustment in which i figure out how a new thing affects the balances of my life. facebook has been a lot of fun but i find that i'm spending more time in facebook than writing here. i've substituted people watching for contemplation and reflection. composing the one liner status update is a haiku-ish art in itself and seeing what friends respond to is fascinating, but i miss the benefit of spending an hour or more stringing together more than one or two ideas.

tomorrow, i am traveling to my meditation center where i'll be serving this time for about two weeks. i will be meditating, but not as intensively as if i were taking the course. i think i'll be learning to cook all the simple vegetarian food they serve and i'm excited about that as well as learning to integrate meditation with work. i'm not as successful as i'd like to be at maintaining my practice at home. it's easy when at the center. everything is set up to help you succeed. at home, much more difficult. i awake with thoughts of my business, things to do, and before i know it i'm out the door looking for a coffee.

oh, and i won and lost the election. i got the most votes but because i was a write-in, and some folks wrote me into a slot i wasn't running for, i didn't technically win a seat. no regrets!

politics

i'm running for a seat on my town's selectboard. it just so happened that there was a slot on the ballot open and friends urged me to run. so, here i go!

snacking update

it's been three weeks since i started the no-snack experiment. results so far:

• i've dropped three pounds (1 pound per week = 3500 calories per week = 500 calories per day. makes sense. i was probably eating about 500 calories in snacks per day).
• i feel thinner even though i would say i look the same.
• i drink more water (instead of snacking).
• i am less attracted to sugary food. in fact i don't think about it much at all. i used to crave sugar regularly. i wouldn't say that craving is gone altogether, but much reduced.
• i seem to naturally select nutritious foods during meals.
• i enjoy the food i am eating more, much more. knowing that what i am eating is it for the next few hours shifts my attitude toward it.
• i am less compelled to eat seconds, which for me was about hording, competing, racing and probably has something to do with being trained as a child to clean my plate for seconds.
• i feel more in control in my life. this one was unexpected.
• i never feel bloated.
• it has been easy to stay faithful, even enjoyable, unlike any other food regime i've tried.

edge portrait

this idea came to me late one night: to take a bunch of little pictures of someone, just of their edge, then layer them to create an outline portrait. here's the first one.

body stuff

okay, i'm sick of putting on weight. i'm a gay man and figure is important! so, i'm giving up snacks. i've tried diets, workouts, eating this, not that, eating that, not this. i've carefully combined foods, been a vegetarian, a carnivore, i've forsaken dairy and i've eaten pints of ice cream in a single sitting. i've slimmed my belly in photoshop. so, rather than add another impossible-to-maintain practice, i decided to keep it simple and real: no snacks.

i can tell its working already. i'm hungry before meals--a nice feeling actually--that's so different from the perpetually stuffed feeling i've grown accustomed to (as has my belly). stomachs hold only so much and this no-snacker "plan" takes advantage of that. i figure three meals a day, no snacks, that's just about the right amount of food for me. if i only eat two or three times a day, how can i really overeat? there's just not room. when i'm hungry, i tend to be attracted to healthier food, too, so i don't really have to worry about downing too many sweets. i do like a little chocolate before meals!

at dhamma dhara, where i meditate, we get two meals a day. in ten days i usually drop 5 to 7 pounds. i drink a lot of water, a dixie cup or two an hour. at least two of the pounds must be mental trash going out the door! but a lot of it is real weight loss, which just goes to prove that i'm on the right track with snackhibition. the two meals are breakfast and lunch, both vegetarian, no snacking between. this regime produces deep sleep with vivid (and informative!) dreams.

it's been fun to notice when and how often i feel like snacking. since i seem think about snacks almost as much as sex, it's clear i was a snackaholic. i'm thrilled by the sense of control i'm feeling when i ignore my snack attacks. not being a victim to an open bag of chips is profoundly empowering. going into a meal knowing i can eat it all guilt free makes dining almost ecstatic. americans are terrorized by food and the food industry. they've convinced us we need food all day long. forget drugs, it's time to declare a war on snacks.