speed

i've just put online a website i designed for our local film festival, www.wrif.org, which has been a lot of fun to work on. i coded it all by hand and in the process learned lots about new web techniques. this work has brought back feelings from my computer days, feelings of satisfaction that i can absorb tremendous amounts of technical information quickly and then utilize it. it's also brought the familiar sensation of speed.

i don't mean the drug, but simply my life. everything seems to happen faster. my foot taps, my thoughts race, my needs grow, my cravings increase. i've been sneeking in cups of coffee, eating chocolate, eating my food too fast, racing from here to there feeling like there just isn't enough time in the day.

it doesn't quite amaze me but i have been very conscious of how this kind of work, with a deadline, with lots of interaction with other people, brings out this somewhat insane side of me. on the one hand i really like it. i feel alive, bristling, energetic and focused. on the other hand, it's exhausting, habit forming and not particularly healthy. it's got me snookered into checking my email constantly, looking at the website every time i find a computer with a browser up to make sure it works. in short, i'd say it makes me compulsive.

having spent so much of my summer in a relaxed bliss of balanced and calm activity (learning about homesteading, doing yoga, doing manual labor, travelling) this all feels dramatically different. i'm conscious of how much my consciousness has swung in just a few weeks. so, now that this project is more or less done, i'm looking forward to reestablishing balance.