therapy

four months ago gabriel and i decided to separate so that our energies could settle, so that we'd each have space to figure out what to do next with our lives. we agreed come november we'd check back in to see what had happened with each other. last week we decided to hire a psychotherapist to help. friday, we met with a therapist. it went well, no great revelation, but we're going to continue with it for a few sessions. neither of us know where this will lead us and both of us seem excited about exploring, throwing caution to the wind. the sense of determination we had about our relationship we had four months ago depressed me, consumed all my energy. gabriel looks a lot better now. people say i do too. giving into the universe is so much more relaxing than desperate attachment. why is it that so many of us cling to relationships that aren't going well? do we get to a point after being in relationship where we fear ourselves more than the pain of an unsupportive relationship, where the relationship can replace a healthy sense of self? when we can't face ourselves our our partners, do we then have so much diversion in work, consumerism, entertainment and sex (at least in the gay world) that we're completely alien to ourselves? maybe so. i feel as if i've re-met myself.