death

today death crossed my path, but i didn't realize how profoundly until afternoon. the morning i spent with bambi, a fellow faerie, on the faerie land, marking the borders of our clearing so that loggers, coming in a couple weeks, would know what to cut. as i went around tying orange tape around trees to delineate a border inside of which all trees, except a few, would be cut, i thought about how strange it was to be arbiting life and death. while we all have to kill in order to survive, whether it be plants or animals, the scale of what i was demarcating put me into a solemn mood, not unhappy or sad, but more deeply aware of the cost of doing what we want, that nothing is free, that in all our activities there is push and pull, positives and negatives.

after marking trees, i headed south to meet my friend jai. we drove to rock river, a beautiful swimming spot with several swimming holes that get progressively less clothed as you move up the river. the last hole is almost all gay and very cruisy. we set up our towels in the shade and relaxed. jai picked up his copy of the latest harry potter. about an hour later an older man made his way down toward the opposite side of the river from the difficult trail in. he was stiff and nearly fell several times. he made his way across the river with as much difficulty, set down his things. i noticed how blue he looked and remarked to jai about him. but, i didn't think much else of him until an hour later when someone said there was a guy up in the woods above the river who was having a seizure. they tried to find a doctor but by the time they returned he was dead, apparently having had a heart attack. someone called the police who arrived a while later. i didn't visit the scene, but did chuckle a bit thinking about the surreality of what it must have looked like: a dozen naked men, a dead man on the ground, whom they had clothed before the police arrived, and the police in full uniform.

on the way out, jai pulled his tarot deck and asked another man whom we were walking out with to draw a card. he pulled death.

my card: 3 of wands: exploring the unknown, having foresight, demonstrating leadership.